Case File: TOAST
by TheGeneticallyAlteredTerrapins
Summary: The toaster. A simple, insignificant piece of kitchenware. But Mikey's constant destruction of the mechanism will be Donny's undoing one of these days.
1. Case File: 001

Case File: TOAST

Case 001

February 05, 2009

Toaster Warning Label: Do not use appliance except as intended.

11:31

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Donny stared at the charred, smoking toaster late in the Saturday morning. He sighed, rubbing his temples. _This will be my undoing_, he thought. _That idiot can't properly use even the most insignificant, simple pieces of technology._

"Why the shell is the toaster burnin'?" Raph asked, wandering into the kitchen with a strawberry poptart in hand. "Oh wait, lemme guess. Mikey, right?"

"A sock," Donny said in reply.

Raph paused in the middle of shoving the poptart into his mouth. "Huh?"

Reaching forward, Donny picked up the toaster with an oven mitt and indicated the contents roasting within. "A. _Sock_."

Raph stared. "Why—"

"I don't _know_!" He blurted. "I cannot, by any stretch of my imagination, determine what compelled him to cook a _sock_ in the _toaster_!"

"Chill out, Don," Raph said, shrugging. "He's no the brightest crayon, or whatever."

"But a _sock_?" He exclaimed, exasperated. "_Why_? I swear, he's doing this just to bother me." He dropped the toaster back down on the counter as the very culprit, Mikey, walked into the kitchen. Oblivious to the intent stare Donny was sending him, he reached inside the refrigerator and took out a can of soda, humming a song he had heard on the radio that morning. He turned to walk out, and finally noticed Donny and Raph's expressions.

"What?" He asked, taking a sip of the soda. "Something on my face?"

"See ya, Mikey," Raph said, quickly exiting the kitchen in order to escape the possible explosion.

"Why is the toaster smoking?" Mikey asked Donny, peering around his brother.

"Oh I don't know, why don't _you _tell _me_," Donny replied, tilting the toaster so the blackened sock inside was visible.

Mikey squinted a moment, then gasped and smacked his forehead. "Aw, man! My sock!"

Donny's eye twitched. "_Why_...is it in here? We don't even _wear_ socks!"

"A turtle can dream!" he exclaimed defensively. "I spilled soda on it this morning, so I washed it out in the sink."

"And this led to the toaster _because_?" Donny pressed.

Mikey scoffed. "It needed to dry, _duh_." He drained his soda with a large gulp and tossed the can into the trash. "Sorry about the toaster, dude. I forgot about it when I went to watch TV."

Taking a long, deep breath, Donny pointed a slightly shaking finger toward the living room. "Just get out of the kitchen."

"Will you at least give me back my sock?" he asked with a sheepish grin.

The toaster sailed through the air. Mikey ducked just as it flew over and crashed into the wall behind him. "Okay, dude!" he exclaimed, backing out of the room. "I get it, you need some 'you' time. I'm going!"

Frowning, Donny directed his glare down at the toaster. He picked it up and examined the dent caused by the wall. Sighing, he muttered to it, "I have a feeling this won't be the last time..."

----------------

_Mikey's Toaster Safety Guide_

1) When using the toaster as a dryer, get back to the toaster A) just in time to remove dry clothes or B) before Donny does.


	2. Case File: 002

Case File: TOAST

Case 002

February 28, 2009

Toaster Warning Label: Do not place on or near hot gas or electric burner, or put in oven.

10:01

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The slightly dented, mostly charred toaster stared tauntingly at Mikey as he cracked two eggs into the frying pan that Wednesday morning.

Actually, it was Mikey doing all the staring, but in his opinion, it felt like the small device was mocking him. Mikey eyed the dent in its side—the very thing that deterred him from going anywhere near it.

Abruptly, he was pulled from his thoughts as the fire alarm screeched painfully to life. Startled, he realized that the eggs he'd been cooking were now smoking, having sat too long in the hot pan, and turned a crispy black.

"Mi-_key_!" Raph yelled from his room on the second floor. "Fix the alarm, or I'll fix _you_!"

"I got it, I got it!" He called back, scraping the roasted eggs into the trash and cutting off the stove. He balanced himself on a chair under the alarm, and after a couple of harsh beatings, the screaming noise was silenced.

"Great," he sighed, dropping the egg-crusted frying pan in the sink. "Now what?" He opened the refrigerator and searched for "Plan B"—cold pizza. However, he realized with a groan, it had all been eaten as his midnight snack. After shutting the fridge, he foraged through the cabinets and shelves for anything else.

"Who keeps eating all the good food?" He whined after failing to locate a proper breakfast.

"_You_ do," Leo answered sleepily, walking by the kitchen with a yawn. "There has to be something you can find somewhere, though."

"The eggs I just burned were the last ones, the poptarts are all hoarded in some secret compartment in Raph's room, and Master Splinter finished off the Cheerio's!" He replied, pouting.

Leo shrugged. "We have bread. Make toast."

He hesitated. "Well, yeah, but..." His gaze was drawn to the toaster.

"Just don't mess up like last time," Leo said, turning to take his leave. "Or, _try_ not to, at least."

Mikey tugged the loaf of bread out of a top cabinet and took out a slice, edging over to the toaster and sliding it into one of the slots. "Toast first, _then_ butter," he told himself as he slid the switch down. "Then it won't burn."

Seconds ticked by. Mikey's stomach growled—loudly. He frowned.

"This takes for_ever_," he complained after an insufferable five seconds of waiting. "No wonder we don't usually make toast." Mikey glanced down at the oven, and an epiphany struck him. Grabbing the toaster, he opened the oven door and slid it as far inside as the short electrical cord would allow. Then he closed the door and cranked the oven up to roughly 375-degrees Fahrenheit.

"Double the heat, cut down the cooking time," he said logically, and chuckled to himself. "Yeah. I'm pretty smart."

-----------

10:04

-----------

Raph shoved his pillow on top of his face after the fire alarm shut off, and he sighed irritably. _If Mikey weren't such a total moron,_ he thought grudgingly, _I'd still be asleep. He's going to blow something up one day._

Seconds ticked by. Raph's heavy eyelids closed. He began to doze off...

**BOOM.** Raph found himself on the floor, scared straight out of his bed. Growling, he leapt up and stormed out of his room, jumping the railing of the second floor and landing on the first as his sibling Leo stared toward the kitchen.

"_What_ did he do?" He asked angrily. "I'll kill him for wakin' me up!"

"I have no idea," Leo said slowly, "but I can bet it involved the toaster."

"_Again_?" he groaned as Mikey stumbled from the smoking kitchen with wide eyes. Directing his attention toward his youngest brother, Raph demanded, "What the _shell_ was that?"

Mikey opened his mouth to reply, but the smoke alarm blared to life again. Raph, annoyed, sleepy, and...annoyed, grabbed a cushion from off the nearby couch and shoved it against his ears.

Leo yelled over the alarm, "Mikey, Donny and Master Splinter are going to be _seriously_—" he stopped as the aforementioned brother, Donny, entered the room. His gaze quickly hovered on the kitchen, and then slid to a stop on Mikey, who shrunk back with a sheepish smile.

"You blew up the kitchen." Donny's remark was not a question, but a statement. Mikey nodded. Sighing, Donny walked into the smoke-filled kitchen, pulling the fire extinguisher off the wall as he did so.

"I'm in trouble," Mikey muttered, backing away from his homemade disaster as the fire alarm was cut off.

"A _lot_ of trouble," Leo agreed.

"A lot of _hurt_," Raph threatened, dropping the sofa cushion and advancing toward Mikey. "You woke me up, you idiot. When I'm done with you, there won't be anything left for Donny to yell at."

"Come on, Raph, I didn't really do it on purpose!" Mikey exclaimed, throwing his hands up in defense.

-----------

10:07

-----------

The smoke in the kitchen began to clear as Donny shot the extinguisher foam at the burning stove. Putting down the extinguisher after the fire seemed to be sufficiently doused, he pulled on an oven mitt and reached into the hot stove, grabbing the remnants of the toaster. Taking a deep, strained breath, he walked from the kitchen as Raph began to advance on Mikey. Donny walked forward and stood between them, holding the toaster up in Mikey's face.

"Explain to me why our toaster was in the _oven_," he asked, "thereby causing our kitchen to essentially _explode_."

Mikey's sheepish expression reappeared. "I didn't want to wait for the toast to...toast. So I figured that twice the heat would cut down the time!"

Donny sighed again and closed his eyes for a moment, mentally counting to ten. "Mikey. I am going to try and fix this toaster. I may have to ask April to buy us a new one. But you are _never_ allowed near it again. _Ever_. Or I will take the toaster and shove it up your—"

-----------

10:10

-----------

Leo watched Donny as he walked out of the hazy kitchen with a melted wad of metal clutched between his hands. Noting the restrained outburst written across his brother's face, Leo took a few subconscious steps backward.

"After the roasted-socks incident earlier this month," he said to himself, "I'd hoped Mikey would be more reasonably when he handled electronics..."

"You are _never_ allowed near it again," Donny was telling Mikey with a strained tone of voice. "_Ever_. Or I will take the toaster and shove it up your—"

"Donny," Leo interrupted, attempting to take control of the situation, "don't be too harsh on him. Sure, it's the second time he's done this, but he's not really the brightest bulb, you know?"

"He's not even a _lit _bulb," Raph added. "He's busted."

Donny lowered the toaster remnants, setting his jaw irritably. "Two times, Leo. Two times this cursed chunk of metal will take up space in my room. And you know as well as I do that it will _not _be the last time!"

"Did you call me stupid, Leo?" Mikey asked with a bit of a delayed offensive reaction. "I'm not stupid! It seemed like it would work—"

Raph hit his own forehead, rolling his eyes. "You put _metal_ into an oven, Mikey, and _nuked_ it! I think that qualifies you as an idiot!"

"Raph, that's unnecessary input," Leo chided, rubbing his temples.

"He makes a good point though," Donny muttered.

" I didn't know it would do that!" Mikey exclaimed. "I gotta learn somehow!"

"By _blowing up the house_?" Donny asked, exasperated. "I don't think I'll even bother fixing it."

"Don't be that way Donny. Mikey's just a complete headcase."

"Shut up, Raph!"

"Oh yeah? Try and make me!"

"Guys, settle down—"

"I think I will!"

"I'm going to go bury the toaster."

"Ha! What was _that_? You missed me!"

"Wait for me, Donny."

"Oh yeah?! Try and block _this_!"

-----------

10:05

-----------

_**BOOM.**_

Splinter's tired eyes opened immediately at the loud explosion. He pulled himself up out of bed to discover the source as the smoke alarm went off. _Isn't that the second time this morning?_ He wondered.

"_What _did he do?" Splinter heard Raphael demand.

_Ah. It must have been Michelangelo._

"I have no idea," Leonardo was replying, "but I can bet it involved the toaster."

Shaking his head, Splinter settled back down into the bed, picking up a small box nearby. He took the lid off and pulled out a set of earplugs. With a tiny smile, he slid them into his old ears and closed is eyes. The turtles could resolve the conflict somehow, he knew. He wouldn't step in, just this once.

_Besides,_ he thought, amused, _I don't eat toast._

_----------------------------  
_

_Mikey's Toaster Safety Guide_

1) When using the toaster as a dryer, get back to the toaster A) just in time to remove dry clothes or B) before Donny does.

2) Putting the toaster in the oven actually makes the toast cook faster—maybe a little _too_ fast.


	3. Case File: 003

Case File: TOAST

Case 003

March 10, 2009

Toaster Warning Label: To reduce the risk of electrical shock, do not place any part of this toaster under water or other liquid.

17:23

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Mikey peered stealthily over the railing of the second floor. Down below in the living room, Raph lie on the couch in front of the TV, flipping through channels. With a sneaky smile, Mikey ninja'd his way over to Raph's bedroom door and intimidated the doorknob with a stare. He reached forward and turned it, pulling hard. Unfortunately, the door refused to give.

"He _locked_ it?" Mikey whispered aloud, frowning. "_Why_? He's so paranoid." Pouting, he turned and leaned on the door, contemplating what to do next. After several minutes, he made a strange face and turned the doorknob again. Taking a deep breath...he closed his eyes...and _pushed_.

The door opened.

Mikey smiled sheepishly and laughed to himself. "_Duh_." He stepped into the room and looked around carefully, investigating under Raph's bed and in various drawers. "Where would he keep them?" he wondered aloud. He put a hand on top of a table, thinking hard.

_K-chunk_! A six-by-six square in the table under his hand recessed into the wood. Startled, Mikey watched a small section of the wall slide away, revealing an open alcove. Blinking in surprise, Mikey walked over to examine the hole.

"Donny must have rigged this for him," he mused. Focusing his attention inside, he grinned. "_Alright_!" He reached in and pulled out a box of chocolate poptarts. "Score!"

An alarm blared to life. "Secret voice recognition test failed," an automated, Donny-like voice announced. "Get outta Raph's room!"

"No, no!" Mikey exclaimed, yanking a poptart packet out and shoving the box back into the hole. "Wait! Ssh! Uh, backspace! Shift! Control-Alt-Delete! Copy-Paste!" Panicked, Mikey was throwing out every computer term he'd heard Donny use. "_Abort_!"

The alarm cut off, and the auto-Donny-voice said, "Abort command recognized."

Mikey sighed deeply. Abruptly he realized that someone else—the worst case, Raph—probably heard the alarm, and so he immediately scampered very un-ninja-like from the room. He headed downstairs and glanced nervously at the couch, pausing to look for movement. After a moment, a loud snore drawled out from the other side, so with relief Mikey moved on to the kitchen.

Smiling like a gleeful child, he reached into a high cabinet and pulled out a new, shiny toaster from a shelf. After plugging it in and scanning the area for any signs of his brothers, he shoved the poptarts into the toaster and turned it on.

A few quiet second later, he frowned. "I know I forgot to do _something_."

"Good evening, my son," a calm voice said behind him.

Mikey used his very small ounce of self-control to refrain from jumping out of his shell in surprise. He turned around and smiled. "Oh, hi Master Splinter. What are you doing here?"

"It is the kitchen, Michelangelo," he replied. "If one is hungry, they come here."

"Right, right," Mikey said, nodding and subtly standing in front of the toaster. "Well, Leo ordered pizza and he's out waiting for it. He'll be back."

"I will get something to eat anyway," Splinter explained dismissively. "I want to eat a small piece of cake."

"Oh," Mikey said with relief as Splinter turned to the fridge. "Well don't let Donny or Leo see you with it, or they'll take it."

"Yes," Splinter sighed as he pulled the piece of cake out and shut the door. "I know."

"Well, enjoy!" Mikey exclaimed, grinning as Splinter left. "See you are dinner!" He sighed, relieved.

Then, he paused. Something smelled...like it was burning.

"Oh, crap." He whirled to look at the toaster, which was smoking profusely. "Oh come _on_!" he exclaimed. "Stupid poptarts, you haven't even been in there that long!" He peered inside the toaster, frowning, and spotted the problem—he'd _left the wrapper_ on the poptarts when he'd shoved them in. The _highly flammable _wrapper.

Abruptly, Mikey jerked back as—_Pwoosh!_—the toaster caught fire. "What the shell!?" he cried. "Not cool! Uh...fire extinguish—_wait_." He stared upward as the smoke rose toward the smoke alarm. "Not again!" He yanked out a chair and stood precariously on it, and with a few punches, he ended the life of the device before it could begin to sound its alarm. "_Whew_." He inhaled smoke and coughed. "Oh yeah!"

Leaping off the chair, he grabbed the fire extinguisher from off the wall and aimed it at the burning toaster. He pressed the button, and to his dismay, nothing happened.

"Aw dude, _why_?" He groaned, putting the extinguisher down. "Uh...okay. Fire. Fix fire with..." He glanced around the kitchen and his gaze halted on the sink, which was directly beside the toaster. "_Water_! Yes!" He plugged the sink up, turning the faucet on as far as it would go and glancing back at the toaster nervously.

"Hey, Mikey!" A voice called from the living room. _Oh crud, Raph._

"Yeah?" He called back as he shut off the sink once the sink was over halfway full.

"What smells? Did you burn something?" He asked.

"Uh..." He grabbed towels and wrapped them around his hands, and grabbed the toaster. "Yeah, sorry! I put something in the microwave and it cooked too long!"

"Moron," he heard Raph mutter. "It reeks."

"Shut up, Raph!" He replied, tossing the toaster into the water. The water hissed with steam when the toaster broke the surface, and Mikey grinned. "Yes. Problem solved. Donny didn't even find—"

"Mikey?"

_Why me?_ He turned and stared at Donny, who was walking into the kitchen with two boxes of pizza in hand. Leo stood behind him, carrying additional boxes. Mikey waved. "Hi."

"_What_ did you do _now_?" Donny demanded, setting down the boxes and walking toward him. Mikey blocked his view of the sink, holding his hands out.

"Nothing, dude!" He exclaimed. "I burnt something in the microwave! That's all!"

Leo shook his head. "Mikey..."

"Let me see," Donny said flatly. "Why did you put it in the _sink_? How could that help?"

"I panicked!" He insisted, waving his arms dramatically to block Donny's view. "Seriously, there's nothing to see! Go get Master Splinter and Raph, and we'll eat pizza! Wahoo, pizza!"

"_Move_, Mikey," Donny said with a roll of his eyes. "I want to see the damage you've done this time..." His voice trailed off as he caught a glimpse of the stretched electrical cord that seemed to lead directly into the sink. "...Mikey..."

"Go away, Don," Mikey said, grinning sheepishly.

"_Mikey_," he repeated, his voice rising ever so slightly. "What did you do?"

"I think I _will_ go get Raph and Splinter," Leo said, setting down his boxes of pizza and quickly walking away. Mikey swallowed, scratching his head. "Seriously, it's nothing—"

"You did it, didn't you?" Donny asked calmly. "Used the toaster."

"I—"

"The _new_ toaster," he went on, "that was very expensive. I thought, 'hey, Mikey promised not to touch it again, so let's get a nice toaster instead of something like the lame one we had before,' so I got it anyway. Hoping you would listen. And _not destroy it yet again_."

"Well, you know, that's your fault for buying an expensi—"

"_My fault?!_" He snapped.

Mikey threw his hands up in defense "Wait, I didn't mean it! I'll fix things, Donny! Really! I'll buy a new toaster. I'll get this one out of your way, too!" He reached toward the water to grab the charred toaster.

"_No_, Mikey!" Donny yelled, reaching for Mikey's hands. Startled, Mikey jerked back his hands—and therefore, _Donny's _hands plunged into the water. He howled in pain and jerked his hands out, glaring at Mikey.

"What was that about?" Mikey asked, wide-eyed.

Donny set his jaw angrily. "Putting an electrical device into the water while it is still plugged into the wall turns said body of water into an electrified pool of _death_."

"Oh," Mikey replied, blinking. "Right. Thanks for not letting me do that."

Donny glowered at him and opened his mouth to speak, and suddenly, Raph shouted, "_Mikey!_"

"Uh oh," Mikey said nervously.

"_What_? Did you light his room on fire like you did with the toaster?" Donny asked sarcastically, unplugging said device and pulling it safely from the water.

"The thing is, what I burned inside the toaster," he explained, backing away from the advancing thundering footsteps, "was a pack of poptarts. I forgot to take off the wrapper, and that's what set it on fire."

"...Raph's poptarts," Donny clarified.

"Yeah. Raph's poptarts."

Donny smiled serenely as Raph stormed into the kitchen and grabbed Mikey. "You," he hissed. "You were _in my room._"

"Wait, Raph-!" Mikey started.

"My room, and in _my food_," he continued, glaring.

"You should really learn to share your poptarts—"

Raph growled and dragged Mikey out of the kitchen. "We'll settle this, you moron. Get your nunchaku. You'll need to defend yourself."

"What? Master Splinter wouldn't approve—"

"Sorry, can't hear you. Hold still."

"Raaaph!"

Donny tossed the incinerated toaster into the trashcan and leaned on the counter, looking on as Raph thoroughly pummeled Mikey. "Ah," he sighed, smirking. "Karma."

----------------------

_Mikey's Toaster Safety Guide_

1) When using the toaster as a dryer, get back to the toaster A) just in time to remove dry clothes or B) before Donny does.

2) Putting the toaster in the oven actually makes the toast cook faster—maybe a little _too_ fast.

3) If the toaster catches on fire, putting it in water _will_ douse the fire, but it will turn the water into a sea of electrified _death_.


End file.
